119 Comments
Oct 23, 2023Liked by Joel J Miller

House of Leaves gave me the heebie-jeebies when I first read it. But I couldn't finish Lolita; I got as far as the break between parts I and II and the overwhelming sense of utter devastation and despair was too much for me.

When I finished Chris Ware's Jimmy Corrigan, the Smartest Kid of Earth, I wasn't disturbed in a Halloween-creepy kind of way, but the immense loneliness of the title character weighed heavy on my heart for a week afterwards. That book is powerfully honest and truthful, and I was left with the sense that there are many men all over—even in my own neighborhood—who experience crushing loneliness like that.

Nonfiction? My in-laws are both doctors. Once, at their house, I was idly flipping through their bookshelf and came upon a medical text called "Atlas of Skin Diseases" . . . and I shouldn't have, but I looked. It was full of pictures. I didn't need to see those.

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author

Man, that’s it: The emotional impact of some of these books is intense. The ability for an author to conjure an entire range of emotions and have them settle in as if they’re genuinely our own is a curious power.

And skin diseases! Haha. Never look at the medical books!

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Lolita was a tough one for me.

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Oct 23, 2023Liked by Joel J Miller

Haven't read Lolita. Tess was enough of that genre.

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I’m not familiar with Tess.

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Oct 24, 2023Liked by Joel J Miller

Tess of the d'Urbervilles by Thomas Hardy. Starts happy, goes badly fast with no redemption.

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I does indeed. This book blew me away when I read it as a teen but it is devastating.

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author

Ah. Haven’t read it yet, but you’re edging it down my list :)

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I'd far rather read Les Miserables. It is a hard story but uplifting and full of grace.

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I'd far rather read Les Miserables. It is a hard story but uplifting and full of grace.

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I’ve never tried it and am pretty sure I won’t.

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I don't blame you! I had to read it in college -- freshman year, I think. The teachers and the critics are all like "Incisive critique of consumerist American culture, blah blah blah," and all little 18-year-old me can think is "THIS POOR LITTLE GIRL IS BEING MOLESTED! THIS IS AWFUL!"

I don't say they're incorrect about the incisive critique. Just that I thought, and still think, that a reading that's solely about that is missing something.

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Yeah, I don’t want to invite that in.

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Oct 23, 2023Liked by Joel J Miller

Absent in the Spring by Agatha Christie

Nothing more disturbing than Joan being offered that glimpse of the truth about her life and what she’s really done to her family and watching her slowly settle back into the shell of her life.

Disturbing in a good, self reflective way.

Also the fact that Christie said it was the only book she’s ever been satisfied with and she wrote it in three days- inspired

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Wow! That’s a great example of what a disturbing book can do for a reader.

Also, how cool to know Christie was uniquely fond of it. High recommendation.

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Blood Meridian. Hands down.

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And the humour could hardly be blacker/bleaker:

The man relieving himself did not look up. I wouldnt go in there if I was you, he said.

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Yeah, that’s a dark one. I read it about 15 years ago, same time as Child of God. Need to read it again, actually. I bought another copy when McCarthy died, thinking I’d give it another read. If it weren’t Child of God, I’d say the most disturbing book I’ve ever read was another McCarthy book, The Road. That was oddly uplifting but so, so dark.

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Oct 24, 2023Liked by Joel J Miller

1984. Read it as a teenager. Never saw that super depressing ending coming.

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I‘ve somehow avoided 1984 all these years, even when I’ve had copies in my possession. Reading Anna Funder’s biography of Orwell’s wife—along with several mentions in recent days, including now yours—makes me want to venture in.

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Oct 23, 2023Liked by Joel J Miller

Perfume! It was originally a German book. The man character Grenouille becomes obsessed with making perfume out of people he kills in search of the ultimate scent.

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I read it when Cobain said it was his favourite. It definitely lingers.

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The Venn diagram of Cobain and that book makes a certain sort of sense.

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Ack! That sounds horrendous. I’ll be steering clear of that one!

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Oct 24, 2023·edited Oct 24, 2023Liked by Joel J Miller

It is! He becomes a recluse and lives in a cave and becomes grotesque. He uses their body fat to make the perfume. I think he ends up getting eaten in the end.

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😳😳😳

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Oct 23, 2023Liked by Joel J Miller

Orwell's 1984. I read it when I was in eighth grade, because David Bowie's "1984" from his Diamond Dogs album was on the radio all the time. I wasn't prepared for Orwell's nightmarish dystopia.

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I’ve never read it! Not sure how I’ve avoided it all these years but I have. I’ve heard it’s devastating and depressing.

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It is my “most disturbing “ Can’t forget the face mask and rats- everyone has their breaking point and there are people out there looking for yours and willing to use it to make you comply. Over the top disturbing

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Oct 23, 2023Liked by Joel J Miller

The Collector by John Fowles. It haunted me. I first read it as an impressionable 15 year old snd literally threw the book across the room when I finished it. I felt so panicked and wanted to contact someone to warn a character in the book. There was literally a brief moment where I completely forgot it wasn’t real. I’ve re- read it several times since and it always impacts me- similarly and yet also differently each time.

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Oct 23, 2023Liked by Joel J Miller

I’ve never heard of The Collector but I’m mildly intrigued by what you’ve written about your experience with this book. I’ll add it to my very long TBR.

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Oct 23, 2023Liked by Joel J Miller

It’s old. Like 1970s I think. It was so ahead of its time I think. Definitely made a lasting impression on me :)

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Oct 23, 2023Liked by Joel J Miller

I barely started The Collector a few years ago and realized it was too creepy for me. I'm pretty sure I tossed it because it felt evil. Didn't even want it in the house.

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Wild!

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McCarthy is indeed shaking. I will never read The Road again, despite it's over arching theme of hope. I was a night security guard once and took King's IT with me to pass the time. Big mistake.

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Oct 23, 2023·edited Oct 23, 2023Author

LOL, I can imagine! I’m ambivalent about re-reading The Road. I’ve kept my copy assuming I will but can’t quite work up the gumption :)

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The Road was tough stuff but I found Blood Meridian a far more unsettling read.

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I’m due for a re-read.

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Oct 23, 2023·edited Oct 23, 2023Liked by Joel J Miller

My second child had just been born and I was a combat engineer officer when I read it. It did put me into a depression. I resigned shortly after and in the midst of OIF.

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Man! That’s an impact. I can see why you wouldn’t pick it up again. Don’t blame you.

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The boys needed their dad more than the country needed me. Still, some survivors guilt.

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author

I get it.

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Oct 23, 2023Liked by Joel J Miller

Isn’t life itself disturbing enough without spending one’s free time reading disturbing books?

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LOL. Yes, I’d say it mostly is. I don’t go out of my way to find and read disturbing books. Sometimes they just come your way. But they can be worth contemplating regardless.

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Most traumatizing thing I ever read was John Steinbecks “The Pearl”. I had to read it for school and the ending horrified me so much I have refused to read Steinbeck ever since.

As an adult the most traumatized I have been by a book was “God is a Bullet” by Boston Teran but I love it. In fact I’m due for a re-read.

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I find that dual response fascinating, too: That one sort of horrifying book can repulse us and another can draw us in.

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Flowers in the Attic and anything with cannibalism in 🤦🏼‍♀️

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author

Yes, I’m with you on that. There are some scenes in The Road that are hard to get out of your head.

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The Road to Wigan Pier, by George Orwell, was harder for me to read than Lolita. The daily lives of British miners was scarier than any Stephen King novel. Almost turned me into a Socialist. Almost.

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I’ve heard it’s a hard but worthwhile read. Sometimes the truth is frightening!

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Most disturbing book ever: The Mandibles (2016) by Lionel Shriver. I have a finance background and her financial dystopian novel was uncomfortably plausible. I don't think it got the praise and publicity it deserved; It probably got lost in the melee of all the other dystopian novels.

It really stressed me out!

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LOL. It’s funny the power a book can have. The Road was the most horrifying dystopian novel I’ve ever read. Station Eleven was the best dystopian novel I’ve read—very uplifting actually.

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Oct 24, 2023Liked by Joel J Miller

I LOVED Station Eleven! It was nice to read a dystopian novel that wasn't bleak.

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I agree. I read it in 2019 and still think about it.

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Loved Station Eleven so much, kept holding off because I wasn’t sure it could live up to the hype but boy did it ever!

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Yes! It’s fantastic, actually.

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Oct 23, 2023Liked by Joel J Miller

My Dark Vanessa was very disturbing, yet I felt so pulled into the story - the writing is gripping.

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It’s wild how an author can write about something repulsive and yet keep you hooked.

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Not having read Child of God, it’s Blood Meridian hands down. Scarier than even vintage King. Nightmare fuel.

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Yeah, that’s a dark one for sure. If it wasn’t Child of God for me, it’d probably be The Road. What is it about Cormac McCarthy’s imagination?

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It’s unvarnished and unrestrained human agency: what might we become given no limits or consequences?

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Perfect example of what I’m getting at. A truly frightening—and worthwhile—question.

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Nov 12, 2023Liked by Joel J Miller

Descent into Hell, by Charles Williams for fiction. Perhaps The Road from Home: The Story of an Armenian Girl, by David Kherdian, for nonfiction -- even though it's a YA book.

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Ah! Charles Williams. I haven’t read that one yet but I hear it’s great.

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Nov 12, 2023Liked by Joel J Miller

Williams's life was dreadfully impaired by spiritual adultery, from what I have read. His books that can be read (I simply can't manage He Came Down from Heaven and The Forgiveness of Sins) have to be read with discernment. But Descent into Hell always ends up getting me on my knees, figuratively or literally; Wentworth, c'est moi.

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