When I was in high school, my parents loaned a Frank Peretti book to another family. My mom wanted that book back badly. A couple of years passed. “I don’t think they have any intention of giving that book back,” my mother finally said. As fate would have it, I had a sleepover planned at said family’s house. My mom instructed me to scour their bookshelves and bring our Peretti book back home. I did as I was told. Sure enough, there it was: “This Present Darkness,” comfortably situated among their other books, like it belonged there! I pulled it out carefully, checked the front cover. Our family name was inscribed in the front, a reminder of this book's true owner. I slipped the book into my backpack and — sting operation complete — triumphantly produced the volume upon my return home. I was given a hero's welcome.
You had the guilt creeping up in me as I read along. Yes, there are some borrowed books on my shelves (The Essential C.S. Lewis and a Dorothy Sayers mystery - from a church library which no one ever uses or keeps track of...) and some other non-fiction volumes from generous friends. However, in my defense, I liberally let people borrow from our shelves and quite frequently never lay eyes on the books again (still trying to track down A Landscape of Dragons by Michael O'Brien!). Once I was walking along a street in Switzerland and found four copies of "For the Children's Sake" by Susan Scheaffer set out in a box labelled "free". This has been wonderful as it is one of the first books I recommend to new homeschoolers and I have been able to simply pass them out, saying "no need to return this to me; you can keep it or pass it on" :)
Talk about guilt. My longest ‘borrowed’ book is about Raising Boys. Borrowed when I first had said boys. How shall I raise them to be honourable returners of books they borrowed 🫣
The owner of the book kept relocating to various distant lands.
I find that, if a person enthusiastically requests a book from you, they typically read it promptly and give it back. If you are forcing the book on the person, it disappears. They take it, because they’re being polite, they’re not that interested, they don’t get to it, they don’t want to tell you that, and it sits next to their bed, then ends up on a shelf, and everyone forgets about it except you.
I adopted your method years ago, I don’t loan a book anymore. If I think a person really ought to read it, I hand if to them, and I tell them to keep it. I’ve even done this with books I consider valuable and which I knew I would miss, but which I thought the person would benefit from. These days, with bookfinder.com, you can always get a cheap paperback reading copy of whatever you’ve given away if you really want to see it again.
After accruing an embarrassing amount of library late fees in high school and college, including getting talked to by my mom (!!!) about it, having to pay to replace one completely lost library book, and being threatened by my university that I would not be allowed to graduate unless I found and returned the rare art book I had borrowed the previous semester (found it under my bed!), I no longer trust myself to borrow things and therefore I have exactly zero borrowed books on my shelf. I think maybe five people still have books I lent them that were never returned to me? Not sure about the exact math, but I'm calling it even! 😂
I am, however, the proud owner of over 150 books that were not borrowed, and all live safely in a series of bookcases in my living room. So, there's that. Hooray for growth and maturing! 😂
I have a related problem. Good friends recommend books for me to buy, or give them to me. Then I find them worthless or worse. What now? I can't in good conscience pass them on to someone else. It feels wrong to destroy them. I don't want to keep or reread them.
But I don't resent someone else keeping a 'good' book I loaned. Unless I can't get another copy.
The burden of the gift book is real. I try to convince family members to take me to the bookstore for my present instead of buying me a book they think I will like or - worse - I SHOULD like.
Books as gifts are fraught, even worse when they’re loaned with the expectation you’ll love it. There are 7 billion humans on the planet; the odds one of us will like any given book is infinitesimally small.
I learned Russia when I was in my mid-20's for ... ah ... reasons. The gagging here is the "том" is one of the words for "book" and Pushkin uses it as a pun. So "Потом Monsieur" is a pun on "том" and "later" - which is related to tome and bottom in English. And "Сперва Madame" is "first madame." No comment.
Pushkin is the first poet in Russian because he is wicked funny.
I personally do not lend books because of my tendency to scribble, underline & highlight the whole of it. Discovering a book that I know a certain someone in my life would love, I will purchase a copy for them and bless their day with a little ‘happy’. Hopefully I’ve gotten it right and a good conversation about the gifted book will take place, even better if we chat about it over tea or lunch out!
Yes, a book must be possessed to enjoy it completely. I neither have any borrowed books, nor any lent out. I make it a practice 99.9999♾️% of the time to never lend a book out, and then only to a relative ; my daughter, or daughter in law (and still nag them about “are you finished”). With regards to books, Ben Franklin’s words are our best instructions ; “neither a borrower, nor a lender be”), he most assuredly was talking about books here.
The defaulting borrower could always say a bear ate the book, as in the children's book 'Brother Hugo and the Bear', said to be based on a real incident recorded in a medieval manuscript. Imagine having to write out a new copy of the book you failed to return.
This subject reminds me of two of my uncles. One uncle had a literal hoard of books, but was always reluctant to lend them for fear they wouldn't be returned. Another of my uncles had books on his shelf that I frequently borrowed for long periods, often to read aloud to my family, but I always returned them. When he passed away, his children told me to take whatever books I wanted, and I remember him when I read them.
As for lending books myself, I prefer giving books away rather than placing a burden of return on someone else, especially as they might have difficulty tracking me down. I have left books behind me while sojourning on two other continents, and I sometimes wondered what journeys those books are taking.
There is only one borrowed book on my shelf, but I really want to read it before I return it. I’ve had it three years now.
Another category: books given you unprompted. A friend once gave me three LONG books of her favorite author …”you must read her!”. They glared at me for months till I did read them. “Meh” was my take, but I kept my mouth shut.
I’ll give you a third option, or a subelement to the former: book bartering. A few years ago, I attempted (though didn’t get many takers) to put a book barter service in place within my newsletter. A reader could post a book with a brief description, someone could assent to it on the condition they send back a book they think the original sender would like. I’d love to resurrect this.
I’m trying to pair my library down to only books I love, and keep the rest on kindle. It’s hard though, I’m always afraid I’ll want to refer back to one. I love that you can still loan your kindle book out, such a neat feature!
When I was in high school, my parents loaned a Frank Peretti book to another family. My mom wanted that book back badly. A couple of years passed. “I don’t think they have any intention of giving that book back,” my mother finally said. As fate would have it, I had a sleepover planned at said family’s house. My mom instructed me to scour their bookshelves and bring our Peretti book back home. I did as I was told. Sure enough, there it was: “This Present Darkness,” comfortably situated among their other books, like it belonged there! I pulled it out carefully, checked the front cover. Our family name was inscribed in the front, a reminder of this book's true owner. I slipped the book into my backpack and — sting operation complete — triumphantly produced the volume upon my return home. I was given a hero's welcome.
That’s amazing. Thanks for making me laugh!
You had the guilt creeping up in me as I read along. Yes, there are some borrowed books on my shelves (The Essential C.S. Lewis and a Dorothy Sayers mystery - from a church library which no one ever uses or keeps track of...) and some other non-fiction volumes from generous friends. However, in my defense, I liberally let people borrow from our shelves and quite frequently never lay eyes on the books again (still trying to track down A Landscape of Dragons by Michael O'Brien!). Once I was walking along a street in Switzerland and found four copies of "For the Children's Sake" by Susan Scheaffer set out in a box labelled "free". This has been wonderful as it is one of the first books I recommend to new homeschoolers and I have been able to simply pass them out, saying "no need to return this to me; you can keep it or pass it on" :)
Talk about guilt. My longest ‘borrowed’ book is about Raising Boys. Borrowed when I first had said boys. How shall I raise them to be honourable returners of books they borrowed 🫣
The owner of the book kept relocating to various distant lands.
“Denys, you wouldn’t lose a friend over a silly book, would you?”
“No. But he has.”
- Out of Africa
LOL, perfect.
I find that, if a person enthusiastically requests a book from you, they typically read it promptly and give it back. If you are forcing the book on the person, it disappears. They take it, because they’re being polite, they’re not that interested, they don’t get to it, they don’t want to tell you that, and it sits next to their bed, then ends up on a shelf, and everyone forgets about it except you.
I adopted your method years ago, I don’t loan a book anymore. If I think a person really ought to read it, I hand if to them, and I tell them to keep it. I’ve even done this with books I consider valuable and which I knew I would miss, but which I thought the person would benefit from. These days, with bookfinder.com, you can always get a cheap paperback reading copy of whatever you’ve given away if you really want to see it again.
After accruing an embarrassing amount of library late fees in high school and college, including getting talked to by my mom (!!!) about it, having to pay to replace one completely lost library book, and being threatened by my university that I would not be allowed to graduate unless I found and returned the rare art book I had borrowed the previous semester (found it under my bed!), I no longer trust myself to borrow things and therefore I have exactly zero borrowed books on my shelf. I think maybe five people still have books I lent them that were never returned to me? Not sure about the exact math, but I'm calling it even! 😂
I am, however, the proud owner of over 150 books that were not borrowed, and all live safely in a series of bookcases in my living room. So, there's that. Hooray for growth and maturing! 😂
I have a related problem. Good friends recommend books for me to buy, or give them to me. Then I find them worthless or worse. What now? I can't in good conscience pass them on to someone else. It feels wrong to destroy them. I don't want to keep or reread them.
But I don't resent someone else keeping a 'good' book I loaned. Unless I can't get another copy.
The burden of the gift book is real. I try to convince family members to take me to the bookstore for my present instead of buying me a book they think I will like or - worse - I SHOULD like.
Books as gifts are fraught, even worse when they’re loaned with the expectation you’ll love it. There are 7 billion humans on the planet; the odds one of us will like any given book is infinitesimally small.
Little free library
Or perhaps:
"Как рано мог он лицемерить,
Таить надежду, ревновать,
Разуверять, заставить верить,
Казаться мрачным, изнывать,
Являться гордым и послушным,
Внимательным иль равнодушным!
Как томно был он молчалив,
Как пламенно красноречив,
В сердечных письмах как небрежен!
Одним дыша, одно любя,
Как он умел забыть себя!
Как взор его был быстр и нежен,
Стыдлив и дерзок, а порой
Блистал послушною слезой!"
I.X
"Служив отлично благородно,
Долгами жил его отец,
Давал три бала ежегодно
И промотался наконец.
Судьба Евгения хранила:
Сперва Madame за ним ходила,
Потом Monsieur ее сменил.
Ребенок был резов, но мил.
Monsieur l'Abbé, француз убогой,
Чтоб не измучилось дитя,
Учил его всему шутя,
Не докучал моралью строгой,
Слегка за шалости бранил
И в Летний сад гулять водил."
Александр Пушкин Евгений Онегин I.3
My Cyrillic decoding skills are nonexistent :)
I learned Russia when I was in my mid-20's for ... ah ... reasons. The gagging here is the "том" is one of the words for "book" and Pushkin uses it as a pun. So "Потом Monsieur" is a pun on "том" and "later" - which is related to tome and bottom in English. And "Сперва Madame" is "first madame." No comment.
Pushkin is the first poet in Russian because he is wicked funny.
Another category that’s related to some of yours: a professor asking for exam copies for personal use rather than for potential use in a class.
Yes! I’ve heard publishers will sometimes ask for those back.
I personally do not lend books because of my tendency to scribble, underline & highlight the whole of it. Discovering a book that I know a certain someone in my life would love, I will purchase a copy for them and bless their day with a little ‘happy’. Hopefully I’ve gotten it right and a good conversation about the gifted book will take place, even better if we chat about it over tea or lunch out!
Yes, a book must be possessed to enjoy it completely. I neither have any borrowed books, nor any lent out. I make it a practice 99.9999♾️% of the time to never lend a book out, and then only to a relative ; my daughter, or daughter in law (and still nag them about “are you finished”). With regards to books, Ben Franklin’s words are our best instructions ; “neither a borrower, nor a lender be”), he most assuredly was talking about books here.
The defaulting borrower could always say a bear ate the book, as in the children's book 'Brother Hugo and the Bear', said to be based on a real incident recorded in a medieval manuscript. Imagine having to write out a new copy of the book you failed to return.
This subject reminds me of two of my uncles. One uncle had a literal hoard of books, but was always reluctant to lend them for fear they wouldn't be returned. Another of my uncles had books on his shelf that I frequently borrowed for long periods, often to read aloud to my family, but I always returned them. When he passed away, his children told me to take whatever books I wanted, and I remember him when I read them.
As for lending books myself, I prefer giving books away rather than placing a burden of return on someone else, especially as they might have difficulty tracking me down. I have left books behind me while sojourning on two other continents, and I sometimes wondered what journeys those books are taking.
There is only one borrowed book on my shelf, but I really want to read it before I return it. I’ve had it three years now.
Another category: books given you unprompted. A friend once gave me three LONG books of her favorite author …”you must read her!”. They glared at me for months till I did read them. “Meh” was my take, but I kept my mouth shut.
Really felt good to return them.
I’ll give you a third option, or a subelement to the former: book bartering. A few years ago, I attempted (though didn’t get many takers) to put a book barter service in place within my newsletter. A reader could post a book with a brief description, someone could assent to it on the condition they send back a book they think the original sender would like. I’d love to resurrect this.
I wrote a bit about it here: https://open.substack.com/pub/kathekon/p/lets-barter-books-like-tapers-traded?r=7j6pb&utm_medium=ios
I love this idea!
Thanks, Phoebe! Feel free to try it out for yourself and report back.
Joel, I'll bet we could market a poster with the quotation from the monastery library. It's delightful, although Lois thought it a tad harsh.
I’m trying to pair my library down to only books I love, and keep the rest on kindle. It’s hard though, I’m always afraid I’ll want to refer back to one. I love that you can still loan your kindle book out, such a neat feature!